Progression
by Vinividivinci
Summary: After seeing Jane in a new light, Teresa starts getting a yearning to have a child. This story follows season 7 but fills in some gaps (from my perspective). Total Jisbon


_**This is just a little one shot that came to me today. I know there has been a lot of discussion around when Teresa got pregnant, when she found out and why she didn't tell Jane sooner. This is my take on that - as well as on Jane's courage (taken from something I read from Heller).**_

_**Hope you enjoy - and I'll return this weekend to my other stories.**_

Courage. It was something that she took for granted in her line of work. She assumed that her colleagues, both at the CBI and now at the FBI, were all people of courage. They did a dangerous job, usually out of a desire to protect others. Oh, she knew there were bad cops, and bad agents, but most of the people she knew, and certainly all the ones she'd worked closely with, were courageous men and women.

But then there was Jane. In all the years she had worked with him she never thought of him in terms of courage. He was the first to run and hide when danger was present. He made no attempt to hide his fear of physical confrontation and hated weapons of any sort. Many of the people who had worked with her – not her close team – but others, had often laughed at him, sometimes with muted affection, other times with contempt. But they all considered him to be a coward.

And, she had to admit, so had she. Oh, she knew that if someone – one of the very few – he cared about were in danger he'd do whatever it took to protect them. He had shown courage at various odd moments through the years, although when they'd happened she certainly hadn't called it courage. She'd thought of him as reckless, as careless of his own life and safety, and sometimes as downright stupid for throwing himself into the path of oncoming trouble when she figured he didn't really need to.

She'd seen him do many highly reckless things but they were as a result of his obsession with vengeance, not courage. She'd also known that – certainly in the beginning – he cared nothing about his own life and was ready to do whatever it took to catch Red John, even if that meant dying. But it wasn't courage – it was vengeance and hatred and guilt.

So she'd never thought of him as courageous.

But right here, right now as she looked at him lifting her nephew in the air, making him gurgle in delight, she had a revelation. She smiled at the sight of Jane with the baby, as it was so lovely. It was the picture of a man taking utter joy in the presence of a young child. And right then it struck her like a bolt out of the sky. Patrick Jane wasn't a coward at all. He was one of the most courageous men she'd ever met.

It was true he didn't like – and certainly wasn't good at – physical confrontation. But that wasn't always true courage anyway. No, his courage was much more subtle, much deeper than that and something most people wouldn't even notice. And until this moment, most people had included her.

She was full of shame that it had taken her this long to fully realize just how brave Patrick was. She'd known how much he had agonized – still, agonized – over the death of his wife and child. She was sure that the sight of the two of them, so horribly mutilated and covered with blood, had to be seared into his memory. He lived with the horror and the loss of his family every day. And yet he continued to smile. She had always seen it as just his cover, his way to hide his true feelings. But now she knew that wasn't always the case – sometimes it was – but sometimes it was also real. He took great pleasure out of small things, beautiful things.

She had seen it many times over the years, but it had never really struck her before. While he had been searching for Red John and seeking out justice for others, he had still looked for something good, something innocent in the world. He could have become a hard, cruel man, one damaged permanently by the tragedy in his life. But for some reason he had decided against that. Through all his pain, his loneliness, his grief, he had decided to go on, to find joy in the things around him.

It was especially striking that he had continued to love being around children. Even little girls – he never seemed to be bothered by the potential reminders of his own child. Instead he simply allowed himself to find delight in their presence.

_That_ was true courage.

She continued to smile as she watched him. She had known for a long time that she loved him, was _in_ love with him, but there were things that had still bothered her. For some reason this revelation changed things. He had his faults – god _knows_ he had his faults, but he was a _good_ man, a strong man, a courageous man. And she would never, ever have to worry about being with him.

She had long known that he would protect her – he'd told her as much. But she had worried that the past, _his_ past would interfere in their relationship. But now she knew that he could look forward, _would _look forward, because he already had.

It was then, as she looked at him hold her nephew and for the first time since they had started dating that she thought about having a child. He was so amazing with them and she knew he'd be a wonderful father. Her worry was more about whether she could be a good mother, or even if she could get pregnant. She was older and knew it would be more difficult.

But looking at him with her nephew – god, she suddenly wanted that with a passion she thought was only reserved for him. She wanted to have a child. She wanted to have _his_ child. She smiled and slowly walked towards him. Yes, she wanted to have a child with this courageous, loving man.

He looked up as she drew near and gave her a smile. He must have caught something in her look because he tilted his head, a slightly puzzled look on his face. "What's up?"

"Nothing", she answered, her smile growing wider. "I see you're charming all the little ones again."

"Yes, for some reason the little ones like me best", he smirked, looking down at her.

She rolled her eyes at him and reached out for her nephew. The baby kicked his feet and stuck his hand in his mouth, squealing as she lifted him up. She spoke to him a few minutes in baby talk, rubbing his nose with her own and blowing raspberries on his tummy.

"He's probably getting hungry", Karen, her sister-in-law said. "He'll be grumpy in a moment."

"I know, if you don't feed these guys they're terrible", Lisbon agreed, looking at Jane out of the corner of her eye.

"I do not get grumpy", he said indignantly.

"Right, sure", Teresa answered, handing her nephew back to his Mother. "Thank you Karen. This has been a lovely day."

"No, thank you guys for coming. It's been wonderful having you here and I know it meant a lot to Stan."

They stayed and chatted with Karen for a few minutes until she excused herself to go feed the baby. At that they made their way to a picnic table and sat down.

It suddenly dawned on Teresa that she was sitting here, contemplating having a child with Patrick and she had never even told him she loved him. Oh, she knew he knew, but it wasn't the same. She didn't know quite why it was so hard to say – well, she actually _did_ know, but that was a thing of the past. She was 100% sure of this relationship and so saying _I love you_ shouldn't be hard. She took a deep breath.

"I don't think I've said this …. I mean, I know I haven't said this …"

* * *

It was later that night, as they lay curled up in bed, watching some documentary on TV that Teresa decided to ask him something she'd been wondering about. "Jane?"

"Hmm?" he answered, distracted by the show on major disasters. "What?"

"Does it never -", she stopped and grimaced slightly. What was she doing? She couldn't talk about this, not now.

"Does what never -?" He reached for the remote and muted the TV and then turned to her seriously. "What do you want to ask?"

"Well, I was watching you with the kids today -"

"Yes, and?"

"I mean, I know you like children. I've seen you with lots of them over the years. I guess I just was always surprised."

"Surprised?" He frowned slightly, sounding puzzled. "You were surprised that I liked children?"

"Not that you liked them, but that – it didn't bother you being around them." She paused for a second. "Especially around – you know – little girls."

"Oh." He leaned back, looking unusually serious for once. He then shrugged but still didn't speak right away. Finally he took a deep breath. "It did", he admitted. "At first I couldn't handle it." He turned and gave her a slight grin, although it didn't reach her eyes. "But I had always liked kids – I was thrilled when Charlotte was born. And I knew I had a choice. I could either continue to allow it to bother me and spend my life avoiding them, or I could decide to _not_ let it bother me."

"Just like that?"

"No, not just like that." He sighed and turned towards her so that he was lying on his side. "After I – after I got out of the hospital I started to force myself to go places where there were children – parks, zoos, places like that. After a while it became easier to be around them. Soon I would find opportunities to talk to them – just little things you know. It – got easier."

"Sounds like you could have gotten arrested as a stalker", she joked.

"I was careful", he grinned. "_And_ I'm charming."

"So it doesn't bother you now?"

"Not usually", he said.

"But sometimes?" she pushed gently, moving over so that she was snuggled into him.

"Mmm – yeah, sometimes, but not very often. I don't let it."

He didn't say anymore and neither did she although she thought back to her realization earlier of Jane's immense courage. Here was another example. She reached up and kissed him – and allowed all her love for this man to be expressed in her touch.

* * *

She couldn't stop thinking about having Jane's child. She wanted to ask him, but was hesitant. She didn't think he'd mind – in fact she was pretty sure he'd love the thought of having a baby. She was also sure there would be tough moments, but was confident he would love being a father again.

So why didn't she just ask him?

Because that would cause him to hope – and she didn't want to disappoint him. And the truth was, she really didn't think she _could_ get pregnant. It was probably silly, she knew, but she had this deep-seated fear that she wasn't meant to have a child. Partly it was due to her age, but more than that it was because she'd never seen herself as the housewife/mother type. She knew that was not fair, as most women held down jobs and families now days. But her job was dangerous and she had long been one of the guys. Getting pregnant just seemed something Teresa Lisbon wasn't going to be able to accomplish.

And she knew that would disappoint Jane. If she broached the subject he'd get his hopes up – and knowing him he'd start obsessing about it. That would drive her crazy and she'd be stressed knowing that he'd be disappointed if – _when_ it didn't happen.

No, she couldn't tell him. But if she did plan to have a child she didn't have a lot of time left. She sighed, unsure of what to do. The one thing she _did_ know was that she desperately wanted his baby.

* * *

She was furious with him. How _dare_ he interfere in her work? Who the hell did he think he was?

Jane, that's who. The man who did things his own way regardless of others. Yes – but also the man who would do absolutely anything for her, and who loved her passionately.

She groaned. How the hell were they going to work this out? Jane had offered to go to his trailer that evening and leave her alone – but she'd said no. That was the worst thing they could do. They had to stick together, _especially_ when things weren't great. But she was sorely tempted to make him sleep on her couch.

She laughed softly, although it was almost a sob. Things had just been going too damn good. She should have known that something would happen to screw things up.

* * *

It had been wonderful dancing with Patrick again. It had been many years – and back then they hadn't been together so even though it had been nice, it wasn't the same as dancing with someone you loved.

Of course it had completely given away everything to their team. Jane had told her they all knew anyway, although she wasn't quite sure that was true. Cho had never let on that he knew and Jason and Vega hadn't really either. The only one she was pretty sure had known with Abbott.

And wasn't _that_ a surprise. When he'd first come on the scene before Red John had been killed she'd _hated_ him. And now he was one of her favorite bosses ever. And what really pleased her was the fact that he and Patrick had become friends – real friends, not just colleagues or teammates.

So they'd returned from the dance happy and relaxed and just a little tipsy. Both of them had had slightly too much to drink – but only enough to be a bit silly.

The alcohol, the dancing, the happiness of catching Peterson and the continuing realization of how good they were as a couple caused them to come together in an explosion of passion and need. They still hadn't quite dealt with the issue of her job, but for now she wasn't going to think about it.

It was only afterward, as Lisbon lay there half asleep, that she realized. They hadn't used protection. She turned swiftly to Jane, but he was sound asleep. She wondered if he realized or if he had been too far gone in the haze of lust and alcohol.

She swallowed, slightly shocked and nervous. She had never done anything like that _ever_. She was much too aware of the consequences of such an action. She had a swift jab of guilt – what if she'd done it _intentionally_? She'd been thinking about having a baby, had started almost _obsessing_ over a baby. Did she do this on purpose?

She closed her eyes and sighed. Well, it was too late now to even worry about that. If she had, it had been an unconscious decision. Now all she had to do was wait and see if there _were_ any consequences and whether Jane said anything.

Strangely, he didn't. Again, she didn't know if he didn't realize, didn't care, or thought it was unlikely anything would happen. Whatever it was, he didn't say anything so neither did she.

* * *

They still hadn't resolved the issue of the dangers of her job and it was starting to wear on her. She'd been feeling tired and emotional in the last few days and she could see that Jane felt terrible about it – although he refused to budge on his position. It was putting a strain on their relationship and it bothered her.

She drove home alone that evening – Jane had gone out with Abbott, Cho and Wiley for a beer. She figured that they needed a bit of time apart and she was looking forward to going home and getting in a nice warm bath.

She wished she wasn't so tired. It wasn't like her. In fact, she was feeling rather strange. She wondered for a moment if it could be her period, but that …

She pulled over quickly and stopped the car. "Oh shit!" She quickly got out her phone and punched the calendar icon. She flipped through the days …

"Shit, shit, shit", she muttered. How had she not noticed? How had Jane not noticed? With a deep, but shaky breath she started her car and drove to the nearest CVS pharmacy.

* * *

Sitting on her tub – the tub where she had hoped to take a lovely, relaxing bath – she stared at the two little pink lines. She double-checked – or more accurately she _quadruple_ checked the instructions. Yes, two lines meant positive.

What was she going to say to Patrick? What was _he_ going to say?

He was going to be happy, she was sure of it. But it would also add stress because now he really would be paranoid about her job.

She didn't know if she could handle that, not when they hadn't worked through things yet. So, instead of throwing this at him right now, she wouldn't say anything and wait until they'd figured everything else out about her job. Yes, it would be hard, but she'd do it. Adding a baby into the conversation right now would just confuse things.

* * *

She watched him walk away from her and felt like her world was coming to an end. She unconsciously put her hands on her belly, thinking about the child growing in her womb. What was she going to do if Patrick left for good? She didn't want to even think about having his child without him in her life.

She cried the whole way back to her house.

Over the next few days she tried to contact him, but he refused to answer. She debated over and over again whether to tell him about the baby. That would surely bring him back.

But again – was that what she wanted, to have him return just out of a sense of duty. And it didn't answer the big question of how he could learn to deal with his fear for her safety.

In the end she had him arrested. She was pissed and scared and she missed him horribly. When she'd seen him walk in the office she'd wanted to slug him and then hug him – and tell him he couldn't leave because he was going to be a father.

Then he'd asked for time, time to figure things out. She'd known at that moment that she couldn't tell him. He needed to figure things out _without_ a baby in the picture.

* * *

Why oh why had she thrown the ring in his face? He'd told her he was settling down, that he was building them a house. He'd admitted he couldn't make her quit her job so he was going to accept it and create something permanent for them.

And then she'd asked about his damned wedding ring! How could she ask him that? It was his connection to his dead wife damn it.

And that's exactly _why_ you asked, the little voice in her head said. Can you truly believe that he loves you totally when he still wears his former wife's ring?

It doesn't mean he loves you less than her, her own voice argued. In fact you know he doesn't - he's told you that in so many ways. So why let it bother you.

But now there's a child in the picture and for some reason that makes a difference. She wants the world to know he is _hers_ – he and their baby, that they are a family – Patrick, Teresa and their child – _not _Patrick, Angela, Teresa and child.

God, she had been so selfish to even bring it up. She'd have to apologize. But still – _why _did he keep wearing his wedding ring if he was in love with her?

* * *

The entire time Jane was missing she kept thinking about their child. She didn't want it to grow up without his father. It _couldn't_ grow up without its father. Who would teach it magic tricks? Who would read stories to it and play silly games and teach it to swim the backstroke? She couldn't lose him. She put her hand on her stomach. Their child couldn't lose him.

And then he'd been found and she'd realized how essential he was to her life. The next day he'd proposed and she was happier than she'd ever been in her life. She was so happy that she wanted to share her news, she wanted to tell him he was going to be a father. She even opened her mouth to tell him, when something stopped her.

It wasn't worry, because she was certain he was going to be happy. It was because she instinctively knew what this would mean to him and so she wanted to wait and tell him at just the right moment - at the _perfect_ moment.

She would tell him as a wedding present, she decided. Yes, that would be perfect. After they had come together as husband and wife she'd tell him they were going to become a family of three. She smiled.

Just then he pulled her to him once more and wrapped his arms around her. This truly had been the best day of her life. She was going to marry Patrick Jane. She was going to be his wife and she was going to have his child. And she was going to make sure he experienced happiness for the rest of his life. He deserved it.

She smiled again, into his shoulder, anticipating the moment when she could tell him. It would be the best wedding present ever. She smiled gently, thinking about it, and tightened her arms around him.

She could hardly wait to see his face when she told him.


End file.
